To Love Again Means To Be Hurt Again
by x - - BROKENpianist
Summary: What happens when Kana remembers the time she spent with Hatori ?
1. Prologue  Chapter 1

**Hello everyone ! This is my first fanfiction so please don't hurt me ''  
>And forgive me in advance if i update REALLY slowly D:<br>This is rated T for now, but it might change to M for later, just to warn you.****  
>Disclaimer ; Fruits Basket (c) Natsuki Takaya<br>Oh, and, the " 8 months later " part means 8 months after everyone is lifted of the curse.**

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><p><strong>- 8 months later -<strong>

"I'm home ... !"

Kana Sohma smiled and opened the door to her apartment, look around for any answer. Of course there would be none, no one lived there other than her, she should have known that. With a light sigh the woman headed towards her living room, turning on her television for some background noise then moving over to her kitchen to put away the groceries she'd bought earlier.

It had been exactly one year since her late husband's death. So soon after their marriage he'd died in a fire accident at work. Kana was devistated, and she'd cried plenty at his funeral, but it felt ... _off_. To pin point it vaguely, she'd always felt off when she was with him. It didn't mean that she wasn't happy, Kana was infact very happy, but for some reason their relationship had never felt complete. There was love, but was it real genuine love ? Shaking her head, the doctor refocused on the job at hand, putting away the groceries. At least she was contempt with her current job; being a doctor working for one of the hospitals nearby the Sohma estate. She'd always remembered her first time working as an assistant for Hatori Sohma, he was a very kind and strict boss, someone she'd always admired since day one. After that her carreer seemed to slowly build up until she was able to become a successful surgeon. All in all, even though she knew the time she'd worked for Sohma-san had been short, something felt missing. Like, her life had forgotten something that had happened between the two.

Shaking her head once again Kana brushed off the thought lightly and shrugged, reaching for the other heavier grocery bag she'd put on the counter while looking out the window. It was snowing.

Gasping, the brown haired woman let go of the plastic bag and let it fall with a crash on the floor while her hand shot up to her mouth as if to cover the pain that was about to weigh down on her heart. Kana's brown eyes widened drastically and tears became to fall silently down her face as the only sound in the room was from the tv. But she didn't hear, let alone pay attention to anything the news anchor said about the upcoming snow storm tomorrow. The only sound that fully took over her mind were the lots memories of her time with her former boss: Hatori Sohma. Love, pain, suffering, sorrow, regret, all of those feelings flooded into her heart as did the unforgettable memories.

_How could I have forgotten ? ... No, why now ?_ Kana asked herself, her legs giving away as she fell to her knees next to the dropped grocery bag. It was already forgotten along with the turned on television as the doctor cried herself to sleep on the floor, feeling the pain she hadn't experienced since her ex-lover's eye had been injured because of her.

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><p><strong>Anyways ! I hope you like what I wrote so far and please forgive me if I make any canon mistakes in the future c:<br>And if you hadn't found out (which I'm pretty sure you haven't unless you know every detail of Furuba), the '8' symbolizes that Hatori was the eighth member of the zodiac to be freed of the curse.  
>Please R&amp;R ~ !<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the second chapter !  
>I hope you enjoy ~<br>Disclaimer ; Fruits Basket (c) Natsuki Takaya**

****and ummm.. to the reviewer who said that Kana's last name was not Sohma, it is indeed Sohma. It says so in Wikipedia and in chapter 12, page 9 of the manga. ^^;****

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><p><em>" Can I ask you a question ? What does snow become when it melts ?<em>_ "_

_" ... The answer is 'water', of course. "_

_" Wrong ! It becomes spring ! "_

Kana awoke to find herself still on the floor, the sounds coming from the tv echoing in the back of her head. _Ahhnn ... What was I doing, sleeping on the floor ? _She thought to herself, sitting up and stretching her arms and back. Her eyes wandered over to the dropped groceries and the fresh memories of her forgotten past with Hatori overwhelmed her mind again. Kana winced and hugged herself. " It's okay .. It's okay ... " she whispered over and over again, closing her eyes shut. Her chest felt tight as she just sat there for a few minutes, hugging herself. She remembered when she and her ex-lover had gone to see the head of the family to accept their marriage. It resulted in her feeling utterly helpless watching Hatori get injured while another member of her family held Akito back. She remembered the depression she had felt and the emptiness as she couldn't protect her loved one. Kana didn't remember how she had lost her memories though, and one of the lines that the head of the family said rang a questioning bell within her.

_" YOU CAN'T EVEN GET RID OF THE CURSE ! "_

_Is that why they had split ? Wait, what curse was this about to begin with ?_ Kana thought to herself to, confused. It seemed that even though she regained her memories of Hatori, the part about the curse was forever to be forgotten. " Ah ! The groceries ! Oh nooo ! " the young woman whined, looking at the spoiled goods. She'd need to revisit the grocery store to replace her lost goods. Mayuko-chan was going to come over for a girl's night, and her favorite dessert was canned peaches with raspberry sauce and vanilla ice cream. ( a/n: just making that up P: ). She could clearly see the deep red and clear orange juices leaking out of the bag, along with the thick white melted ice cream. Sighing, Kana stood up and wetted a towel to clean up. Thank goodness the flooring in her kitchen was tile while the rest was carpet. Being a doctor she could have bought a more decent house instead of an apartment, but it would have been too much of a hassle.

" I guess I should go back to the grocery store while I have the day off, " the brown haired girl murmured to herself as she finished cleaning up. The hospital was going to close for the week for construction purposes; they were going to build a new wing for more incoming patients. She wondered what she was going to do for that week; most of her friends were still going to work, and it wasn't like she had any kind of hobby to begin with. That she could remember.

After cleaning up Kana headed towards the bathroom to freshen up and get a new change of clothes. It wasn't very healthy to wear the same clothes for more than a day straight, especially when she'd spent the day before sweating like a horse. She guessed that it was still going to be chilly outside since it had snowed the night before, and the woman deliberately dressed warmly, wearing a thick overcoat, stockings, a green wool turtleneck, long skirt, and a cream colored scarf to tie it all together. She grabbed her house key and her wallet before heading out, closing the door and locking it. Kana shivered and wrapped her scarf around her neck a little tighter. _Ah, it's very cold,_ she thought to herself, shivering again before heading towards the direction of the store. And now that she thought about it, Hatori had given her that scarf a week before they went to go see the head of the family. The thought made her shiver, but she didn't take it off for some reason.

The walk over was peaceful, and the snow-loving girl always liked the way the streets looked blanketed by snow. The sight made her feel peaceful for some reason, even though her state of mind at the moment was troubled. She thought on the way there, contemplating whether or not she should visit Hatori about this or something. But what should she have said ? ' Hi, i hope you remember me because I certainly didn't remember our romantic relationship until now, after all these years, ' ! " Urrghh ! " Kana whined, smacking herself with her palm. The couple walking past her gave her a weird glance as they shrugged and moved on. " Mustn't think about it too much, mustn't think about it ... " she talked to herself for the rest of the walk, even though her efforts were futile. Her feelings for Hatori were on a whole new level now that she'd remembered. Even the pain still felt fresh in her chest as she walked, and tears threatened to escape from her eyes the more she thought about it.

Kana still tried to push thoughts of her ex-lover to the back of her head as she focused on buying food to share her best friend. They'd been planning this for a few weeks and it wasn't going to be ruined just because she dropped food in her kitchen. And plus, what good was a movie when there wasn't anything to eat with it ? This thought finally brushed the painful memories of Hatori off her mind as she wondered what they were going to talk about and such. It brought a smile to her lips. After paying for her groceries the woman decided to head home to put them away before she could go out again. It was getting really chilly and the wind was starting to pick up. It felt like she was being patted by ice whenever a flake of snow hit her face. Then again, snow was snow.

After walking for five minutes the wind blew away her scarf and sent it flying in the distance.  
>" A-Ah ! My scarf ! " Kana yelled out as she ran to go chase it. The chilly air made her shiver as she finally caught up; a tall figure was holding it up looking around for the owner. His face was covered by the scarf as she approached him.<p>

" Thank you very much for retrieving my scar - " her words froze in the air as she recognized that face.  
>That face which had dark black hair and piercing purple irises. That familiar face she had forgotten about.<p>

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><p><strong>Yay for second chapter ! c:<br>Again, please R&R and I'll try to get working on chapter three ~**


	3. Chapter 3

**OH MY GOD. SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG DELAY.  
>my cousin's over for the summer and she wouldn't let me work on this -_-<br>then after that i couldn't finish because my computer crashed.  
>i'll try to make up for it once i get a constant working computer c':<strong>**  
>Disclaimer ; Fruits Basket (c) Natsuki Takaya<strong>

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><p>" Hatori ... san ... ? " Kana's voice trembled as she stared in utmost shock at her former mentor. She hoped he didn't pay attention to her tone of voice<p>

" Oh ... Kana-san, it's been a while. " Hatori hadn't changed. It was like he was the same person from over four years ago. The male doctor's eyes glazed over, but the brown haired woman didn't notice. She struggled to regain some of the composure she'd lost meeting him again. After all, if she had forgotten her precious memories of him, then did the same thing happen to him ?

" Y-Yeah ! It's been so long ! How are you ? " she asked, forming a smile and tilting her head to the side just a bit. It was hard fighting back the pain tearing apart her heart. She shivered, not because of the cold, but because of her feelings. The zodiac dragon took it differently.

" Ah, sorry, I have your scarf, " he handed it back to her. Kana's hands shook slightly as their finger tips touched briefly with his. Both of their eyes widened just a bit as the contact made them both jerk awkwardly. Both doctors' faces turned a slightly pinker shade, not that it was noticeable to the other's. She greatfully tied it around her neck and half of her face, breathing in the lingering scent of Hatori while trying to hide her oncoming blush. " I was walking over to get some lunch until your scarf flew into my face. " Her heart ached at his innocent chuckle. " Well, I guess it was nice meeting you, I should get going. " This time the dragon's smile was sad as he started to walk away.

Kana knew that if she let this chance pass she'd regret it the rest of her life. Her already failing heart was telling her to go home and cry, but she longed to be with him more to make up for that lost time. Lost time that they'd never be able to make up, not even from a few life times.

" Wait, Hatori-san ! It would be a shame to pass off this chance now that we get to see each other after all this time ! Do you mind if I join you for lunch ? " the brown haired woman jogged to catch up with him. She was acting how she usually did, right ? Hopefully.

" E-Er ... Sure ... " Hatori's voice seemed like it was hiding some kind of hidden emotion, but the optimistic woman ignored that. She wanted to use that time to catch up on life. She was sure a few years could do that to two people who hadn't seen each other in that long.

" Ah, I hope I'm not intruding though. I wouldn't want to be a bother, " Kana said seriously, puffing out her cheeks and looking up at him as she spoke.

" No, It's completely fine. " Another heart wrenching smile from Hatori. At that comment Kana smiled again and nodded, looking off into the distance. She realized that she had no idea where they were going, but she was sure it would be okay. It wasn't like Hatori would go to a bad place to get some lunch, right ? Unless he'd changed in ways she hadn't noticed. The last time they'd seen each other was before her wedding, right ? A different emotion replaced the ones she had earlier as she thought about her deceased husband. What would have happened if she remembered Hatori when she was still married to her late husband ? Would his being alive changed anything in any way if he still was ? She thought how much pain Hatori must have gone through when she married him. Unless he had also forgotten. But then again, she had just regained her memories yesterday. If he forgot then he probably regained his memories too, right ?

_Uuu ... I'm thinking too much._ Kana thought to herself as she walked beside the one she used to love and still loved. She wanted to embrace him and cry to her heart's content. But lots of things told her that doing so would be a very bad idea. Her wanting only caused her pain, and she didn't know if Hatori returned her feelings or not. She wouldn't have blamed him if he moved on though.  
>" So .. how is work going for you, Hatori-san ? " She asked, trying to break the silence.<p>

" It's going alright. A few months after you left I went to work as the family doctor. But now I'm going to work at the hospital nearby the estate starting from next week. I'm starting there as a surgeon. " What a coincedence ! Kana couldn't help but smile happily.

" Ah, is that so ! I'm working there as a surgeon right now. I guess this time around I'll be your mentor, " she laughed, closing her eyes briefly as she did so. The brown eyed girl didn't notice as Hatori looked at her while she laughed, his purple eyes filled with awe and pain, and he shifted his vision to anything other than her face when she opened them again. _Her smile is the same ..._

" Really ? I guess that's a nice coincedence, " a smile that looked more like a sigh, " But are you sure you don't want to go home ? Carrying that bag around must be tiring. " Kana realized that she still had the grocery bag filled with sweets; she'd immediately forgotten about them after seeing Hatori's face.

" Ah, oh yeah ! The groceries ! I guess you can buy me lunch and then walk me home ~ ? " she said, grinning.

" That sounds fine to me. " A brief moment of laughter. Silence lapsed over the two soon after. They walked on in an awkward silence until the two reached a small French cafe on the corner of a street. The smells coming from there were mouth watering. Kana felt like indulging carelessly in an elcaire or two. Hatori couldn't help but smile at the look of hunger in her face.  
>" The food here is pretty good. What would you like to order ? " he asked the daydreaming woman. She snapped out of her thoughts to look at the menu. It seemed like just moments ago they were still walking over to the cafe.<p>

" Ano .. I'll have an expresso and a crossaint. " Kana said, ordering the first two things off the menu. It didn't sound like a bad idea.

" I'll have the same thing. " Hatori handed the cashier two five hundred yen bills.

" W-Wait ! It's alright, you don't need to do that for me, I'll pay for myself, " the bewildered woman interjected, taking out her wallet from her pocket. He was too gentlemanly.

" No, it's fine, I insist, " the black locked man soothed, giving her a smile that said ' It's the least I can do '. Even though she didn't know what kind of smile that meant.

" Alright then ... Shall we go ? " Kana asked, returning to her former smile. She was at least more than happy to spend extra time with Hatori, even though there was a possiblity that he might not have remembered their memories together, let alone like her company anymore. Maybe she was being a bit too touchy about it. He answered with a nod and a polite returning smile.

Her heart rate excelled achingly as the two walked back towards the direction of her apartment. The dragon of the Sohma family stayed a teensy bit behind her, since he didn't know the way. Kana couldn't help but to space out while walking, trying to sort out her thoughts while hiding her former depression that had been caused by not being able to protect Hatori from Akito. She should have been the one to get hit with that vase, it wasn't right that he had to be the one that was hurt. Sometimes the troubled woman sneaked uncaught glances at the black haired man's eye through the curtain of hair that hid it slightly. Even glancing at it brought a world of hurt and a clench to her heart, but she still couldn't help but glance at it. Hatori noticed the troubled look on Kana's face, but didn't say anything about it; it wasn't his buisness ( or so he thought ). But curiosity and worry got the better of him a few minutes later. Even though she had been a thing of his past ( an unforgettable thing, Hatori had to admit ), seeing that kind of facial expression on his ex-assistant gave a painful twinge to Hatori.

" ... Is anything bothering you, Kana-san ... ? " He asked her, creasing his brows just a bit in worry. Kana snapped out of her thoughts to look back up at him.

" Y-Yeah ! Everything's fine, I was just thinking about how bombarded we're gonna be with the new hopital wing, " she half-lied, smiling reassuringly. Well, she couldn't just say she was thinking about him and talk about the rest of the jumbled things on her mind. " Ah, we're here. " Kana interjected and pointed up to her apartment. By now the wind was blowing profusely and she just wanted to get to a warm place. Her hands were icy cold and numb, and it had started to snow a few minutes ago. The two walked up the stairs and stopped at door 201, Sohma. " Here we are, 201, Sohma ! " she laughed and clumsily took out her house key from her coat pocket, jamming it in the keyhole and opening the door to her apartment.

" Why don't you stay here for a little bit, Hatori-san ? My home has plenty of room for two people and we can use this time to catch up with each other while you escape from the snow a little ? " Kana invited, taking off her shoes and heading towards the direction of the kitchen to put away the ice cream and groceries. She was glad that she'd turned on the heater right before she left and her face was quite open to the air that gently warmed it. Her dull apartment already felt more lively now that another person was in it. Hatori followed, a little bit hesitantly though. He wondered where her husband was. She went over to the kitchen, making sure this time that her groceries wouldn't fall to the floor and break like last night. Even though he was near, her heart felt a little bit lighter, which was kind of weird, since it'd felt so heavy when she was right next to him a few moments ago.

" Thank you. Are you sure your husband is okay with me being here ? " He asked, adding the last sentence without thinking. Kana stiffened slightly at the mention of her late husband. She sighed and started to heat up the already cold coffee, trying not to look at Hatori. She didn't want to talk about it, but he had somewhat of a right to know. Somewhat.

" My husband ... passed away just a year ago. " she hoped he hadn't neard the hard tone of her voice at that last part. Even though she hadn't truly loved him, Kana still missed him. It wasn't like her heart _hadn't_ ever beat fast for him. She barely heard Hatori apologize, and it made her feel guilty, since it wasn't any of it was his fault, even though the hard edge of her voice made it feel like she was in a bad mood.

The two just stood there in an extremely awkward silence as she waited for the coffee to heat up. Once it was done Kana poured the steaming liquid into two mugs, and handed one to her companion while she took a light sip of her own cup. " Here, drink it while it's still hot, but be careful, " she smiled wryly, trying to break the awkwardness. Hatori nodded and took the cup carefully, trying not to spill, but he failed. While he was trying to sip from the cup some of the coffee had spilled onto his hand ( she had no idea why it would land there out of all places ), and the slight yelp he made was really weird, but extremely funny. Kana tried to stiffle her laughter for a few seconds, but she couldn't help it and broke into a hysteria of laughter. " Hatori-san, that was a really funny noise you made there ! " she snorted unlady-like, setting her cup down on the counter and holding her stomach. The purple eyed man turned a slightly red shade and coughed dryly a few times, standing there and unsure what to do now. After Kana was done laughing she straightened up and took another sip of her quickly cooling coffee, wiping tears from her eyes. " Ahaha, I'm sorry I laughed at you, Hatori-san. I just haven't laughed that hard in ages, " she kept the foolish smile on her face, while leaning back against the counter and looking out the window. " Do you think a blizzard's gonna come tonight ? " she asked jokingly.

After that the two started to catch up on each other's lives, and time was lost as their conversation bore on endlessly. Kana completely forgot about the sleepover she was supposed to have with Mayu-chan, and Hatori completely forgot that he had to meet up with Shigure and Ayame at the bar. But even if they did remember, would they have stopped talking ? Probably.

" Are you and Mayuko done preparing for the wedding yet ? " Hatori asked, changing the subject from cherry blossoms to that. The brown haired woman looked at him in confusion for a moment before she finally remembered the horrible truth. He was getting married to her best friend a month from now. She'd felt like a complete idiot for forgetting such an important date, and worst of all, re-falling in love with her best friend's fiance. Or, her .. _ex-_fiance. The dull ache in her heart that had completely disappeared while she was talking to the doctor had returned again, though this time it was fresh, like the feelings she'd felt last night while remembering her memories.

" Eh - Ah ! Oh yeah, you and Mayu-chan are getting married ! Congratulations, again ! " Kana laughed, stiffling a cry. She felt like a horrible person right now, even though she tried to keep her old excited look on her face. After all, she was the maid of honor. She was supposed to be one of the happiest people for their marriage. " Well, we're pretty much done with everything, we just need to finish buying decorations and planning the ' Last Night, Good Night ' preparations, " she answered, giggling maniacally. " Last Night, Good Night " was an event that was a tradition between Hatori, Kana, Mayuko, and their group of friends. Whenever one of them got married, the bride had to spend the night with the best man, and the groom had to spend the night with the maid of honor. The best man and maid of honor got to do pretty much anything they wanted with their " victim " ( besides the obvious ), but they had to take a lot of pictures. Embarassing pictures. They were all to be collected and put into an album with the rest. It was a night to be dreaded by the bride and groom, since many ugly things were done to them. Kana had been a " victim " once before, so she knew what was coming for Mayuko. But, that also meant making Hatori do many embarassing things, which would totally make her night. Hatori had also been on the best man's side for Shigure's wedding, so he knew what was also coming for him from Kana. Anyway, it was a topic that every bride and groom wanted to forget, no matter what. " So, are you ready for my torture, Hatori-san ~ ? " Kana asked, as a devious sparkling glint shined in her eye. The blacked haired man turned pale, and immediately shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

" Ah ... er ... That's right. I need to go meet my friendsat the bar, and I'm already late. It was nice talking with you again, Kana-san, " Hatori smiled politely ( but warnly, and to tell the truth, it made Kana's heart flutter for a second ) and tried to make a quick run for it as he took his coat and walked slightly briskly towards her door. Just then the television in Kana's room sounded louder when the weather man announced that a strong blizzard was hitting their town and that people needed to stay indoors as much as possible, and to not go outside no matter what, or else dangerous things might happen. Just as Kana was about to warn Hatori he opened the door and was pretty much showered by hundreds of snowflakes. It looks like the wind was blowing towards the direction of her door. After about a second the doctor shut it quickly, blinking blankly. After just a few seconds of being exposed, he was drenched in cold water. Kana burst out laughing again.

" Ahahahahahahahaha, you're drenched, Hatori-san ! " she laughed. Hatori merely blushed lightly and stood there, wet and awkward. After a few minutes the giggling girl stopped and came back to her senses. " Ah, I'm sorry, Hatori-san. I just thought that was really funny for someone like you, " a slight blush and giggle, " Would you like to use my bathroom and stay for the night ? You can use my husband's clothes while I dry yours, and I doubt you'd survive walking through all this snow, " she offered, smiling. _Oh shoot, what am I thinking, asking him to stay over ? Am I nuts !_

The drenched man paused and thought for a moment. It certainly wasn't good that he was spending time with his ex-fiance ( whether she remembered it or not ) again; being with her caused a constant ache to his heart every time he was reminded of her carefree smile and their memories together. Not to mention that he was at her house, Mayuko would be troubled if she found out he had stayed at her best friend's house. But still, under the circumstances, there was no other choice. " ... Oh, thank you very much for your hospitality, Kana-san, " he said to her, a weary smile crossing his face. " I-I should call Mayuko and tell her I'm with you, if that's alright. " Hatori took out his cell phone from his jacket pocket, and realized that it was soaking wet, and dead. Whoops. Kana stiffled another pitiful giggle.

" That's alright, I'll call Mayu-chan instead, you can just go ahead and clean up; the bathroom's down the hall and to your left. Just leave your clothes outside the door and I'll wash them for you, don't be shy, " She said, guiding/pushing Hatori towards the direction of the bathroom. After a thank you and closing of the door, Kana rushed over to the kitchen and braced herself against the counter. It felt like her heart was going to hammer itself from her chest any second. Hatori, her ex-lover, is staying at her house ! An engaged man, staying at a widowed woman's home for the night ! Not to mention that her best friend was his fiance ! Was she going to be able to keep her emotions intact ? _Oh goodness ..._ Feeling fried, Kana sunk against the counter for support as she beat herself up over her mistake.

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><p><strong>hope it wasn't too ooc for you guys; especially near the end D':.<br>please forgive the crappiness towards the end '''****  
>ugh, i'm not too happy with this chapter, but it's too late to go back and change it <strong>


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